Playing Big

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I’ve known since I was pretty young that I was destined to live a big life. Not Hollywood big… Not move to the other side of the world big… Not have eleven children big… But something full and rich and brave. I had no idea what that meant or what that looked like – just that my comfort zone was not big and brave. My comfort zone is small and comfortable.

I’m still not sure that I know that I know what it means. But I still believe that it’s true.

Lately, it seems like I’ve been reading lots of blog posts and social media updates from people who feel they are being called to live smaller – and it’s making me more sure than ever that I’m called to do something different.

There are small moments and spaces in my life, to be sure. My home life with Geoff and Briony is deliciously simple – and I absolutely love it that way. And we were clearly meant to be a family of three, which is small by any definition (most particularly, as defined by the people who determine ‘family rates’ for things… we are apparently not a legitimate family?!). But whenever there are plans to be made or decisions to be pursued, we are constantly and consistently pointed in the direction of things that are big and brave.

I saw it on my own in Grade 12, when I was offered a full scholarship to a small Bible college just a few miles away from home – but I knew in my heart of hearts that I was meant to pursue my education somewhere bigger, somewhere farther away, somewhere that pushed and expanded and scared me a little bit.

I felt it when we were newlyweds, when the Plastic Stick of Destiny said that I was pregnant – years before we’d planned to start a family. It felt like it was too soon, like it was going to be too hard, like it was the worst possible timing. And it stretched us and pushed us into a brave new chapter long before we thought we were ready.

I’ve seen it in my career, where I fought to be small and run a part-time freelance business from home. I clung to it, for longer than I should have – because I knew that it was only for a season and that the season had passed. God pushed me to go back to work… And then he pushed me to pursue a path that has me running the marketing department for a large national retail company. Kind of the opposite of working part-time from home. Kind of the opposite of small. Kind of the opposite of quiet and safe and easy.

I’ve experienced it in our family, when Geoff & I felt so strongly about staying in our little starter home and renovating a little bit to make it work. Today, I’m writing this from the office in our ridiculous new forever home – a home that is literally double the size of the home we were happy in just six months ago.

In every moment where there’s a small choice and a big choice, He’s guiding us to the big one. And I don’t believe that He’s finished with us yet. He has plans for us. I have no idea how all of these pieces fit together or where we’re going to end up – but it’s sure been an interesting ride.

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