I’m not too proud to admit that I have no idea what’s going on with my health lately. This level of pain is not new, but the length of time it’s sticking around sure is. Same with my fatigue. I’ve felt this before, but never for months on end. And I’m struggling to know how to express that to the people around me without sounding like a whiner, a quitter, or a crazy person.
It’s so frustrating.
I’ve had days over the past five months when I’ve dreamed of giving up. Not GIVING UP… Never GIVING UP. But staying in bed and just staring up at my ceiling until it feels better or until I feel stronger, however long that takes.
But I never do. Because there’s always a voice deep inside of me – quiet, but steady and always there – that tells me to keep going. And even when it’s terrifying, when I know that I need to take one more step but I have no idea where on earth the strength to take that step is going to come from, I always manage to do it. And then the step after that… And then the step after that… Until it’s the end of the day and I’ve made it through again.
And one of these days, I’m going to wake up and feel the sun on my face and wiggle my toes and know that it’s going to be a better day than yesterday was. And then I’ll string a few of those days together. And then I’ll get myself back to my (sick) normal, where I know how to function and thrive.
Until then, one step at a time is okay – as long as I keep going.
“Courage. We all suffer. KEEP GOING.” – Graeme Fife