Does ‘in like a lion / out like a lamb’ apply to entire years?
I’m not a complainer… But I’ll admit that January is kicking my @$$ a little bit. I have high hopes that this year will be a year where I’ll see my health improve rather than decline (the end of 2014 was ROUGH) and I’m doing everything I can to help make that happen. But it’s hard. Every week seems to bring a new challenge, and sometimes the remedy is worse than the disease. It’s been a lot of tough days in a row. The other night, I was sobbing on the couch and telling Geoff that I just needed ONE HOUR outside of my body so that I could keep going. Just ONE HOUR… But there’s no way to take a break from yourself. And that’s maybe the hardest thing about living with chronic illness and chronic pain – knowing that it will change, but that it will never really go away.
To keep myself thinking positively, I’m making sure to create things to look forward to. Geoff and I are off to New York for his belated 40th birthday trip in less than a month and we’re starting to get into planning mode. We missed out on Tonight Show / Jimmy Fallon tickets (SADNESS!) but we’re busy trying to secure some fun dinner reservations for while we’re there – and the other day, he secured tickets to Cabaret (with Emma Stone and Alan Cumming… SQUEAL!). Broadway tickets are totally my love language.
April will bring a Girls Weekend trip with Briony to see my sister (and her Baby Girl #4 who’s scheduled to make her appearance in late February). Briony and I have travelled solo before, but Geoff almost always meets up with us a few days later. I kind of love going on these little mini-adventures with her. I hope that we’ll be travel buddies for a long, long time. (She’s already asking how old she needs to be for us to go on a Girls Weekend trip to New York. How fun is that?!)
And my mother in law will be back with us at the beginning of May (YES, that’s something to look forward to! I love her!).
Things are also – slowly – progressing with our house project. We’re still looking at house listings, but we’re becoming more certain every month that the best choice for us is going to be a major reno to our existing house. We meet with a team of designers and builders in two weeks to see their proposal and quote for the project. EXCITED is an understatement… We’re really looking forward to seeing what they’ve come up with – and starting to make some real steps toward making our dream home a reality. Of course, some of the excitement comes from the idea of having a really pretty, practical, and well organized house. But even more comes from the idea of having a FUNCTIONAL house that works to address some of the physical challenges I’ve had living there – and a house that makes room for Geoff’s mom to (comfortably) live with us part-time.
In between, I’m booking lots of little things like Girls Nights and Family Days. They all help to dull the incredible frustration of not being able to live my life exactly the way I would choose to – and they remind me that even if it’s not exactly the life I would have chosen, it’s still a pretty awesome life.
And maybe with just a little bit of luck, this year’s rough start might just promise an easier & happier ending.